» The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams. «
"Your creul device your blood like ice one look could kill my pain, your thrill"-- Alice Cooper (10 of 26)
© '99 - '22 by
Thomas Gericke
Disclaimer: this site is completely vi-made and
frequently tested with various browsers.
1024x768 is recommended. Most quotations selected randomly.
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onto which I may have set links.
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Friday, 2009-01-16, 11:46:31 am, ? |
Check out this one:
Got a brand new roof above my head
All the empty boxes thrown away
I rearranged the place
A hundred times today
But the ordering of objects
Couldn't hide what's missing
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be home again
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be alone again
Got myself a bottle of red wine
Got a night of nothing else to do
I think I might know
What I really want
But is a brighter discontent
The best that I could hope to find?
Got a big black television set
Now I can watch just what I want
But I'm here staring up
At pictures on the wall
And where are you,
You're still stuck inside them all
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be home again
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be alone again
But love is not these belongings
That surround me
Though there's meaning
In the memories they hold
A breaking heart in an empty apartment
Was the loudest sound I never heard
Got a desk I'll write myself a note
Pretending that it came from you
On hotel stationary
From the time we first met
Whatever I can do cause
I won't throw my hands up yet
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be home again
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be alone again
But love is not these belongings
That surround you
Though there's meaning
In the memories they hold
A breaking heart in an empty apartment
Was the loudest sound I never heard
Well I'll be fine if
I dont look around me now
Too much for what's gone
If only I can wait here just a little while
And let time pass in my room
Brighter Discontent - The
Submarines
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Wednesday, 2008-12-24, 05:07:45 pm, somewhere |
too private; click here to login |
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Monday, 2008-11-24, 05:39:27 pm, @work |
Everything that happened, has happened.
Everything that happens, is happening.
Everthing that's supposed to happen, will happen. |
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Saturday, 2008-10-25, 02:10:44 pm, @home |
Had an remarkable evening/night. Glad to have such friends, glad
to know such people and I truely love my little sister! |
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Friday, 2008-10-24, 10:23:37 am, @work |
WHAT a week so far...
Things happened and are supposed to happen again.
Other things make me nervous, a few more make me
angry.
To come to a conclusion: everything's more than fine. |
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Friday, 2008-10-17, 03:08:50 am, @home |
You see what time it is?!
For some weeks now, I can't get no sleep 'til early in the
morning. Why it is like this? I don't know. I neither WANT to
know. It is how it is and it'll be alright.
I've had some bad days, I've had some great days and I've had
some days which were quite okay. I espacially remember three
weekends the last two months. Weekends with adorable
company. This week was lawyer's week.
I've seen people come and go. That's just the way it is.
A great man once stated:
Though I walk through the valley of
darkness
I am not afraid
Cause I know I'm not alone
And he was (and still is) so damn right.
|
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Thursday, 2008-09-04, 12:42:58 am, @home |
After almost 4 years, I changed my mood
today/tonight:
From:
2004-10-09 04:39 upside-down
(minuten.de ircII-plugin v1.0a)
To:
2008-09-04 00:42 mournful
(minuten.de ircII-plugin v1.1)
I have reasons for that. Certain reasons!
I was wrong, but you, if you are reading
this, were not right either. You were definitely
wrong and you did what I never expected you to
do.
All your promises were actually not honest. Those
were lies and nothing but lies. You lied to me
and, as a matter of fact, lied to yourself.
The very good thing about the situation is: I now
can truely say, I always knew it.
The very bad thing is: I always knew it.
How can someone be that selfish? How can a single
person do, what he/she never wants someone else to
do to him/her? How? Why? |
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Sunday, 2007-06-03, 10:59:05 pm, @home |
Hi folks,
first of all: I'm back - I never really was gone,
my server crashed some time ago and I had a lot
of trouble recovering all the stuff. Fortunately,
I had backups of all webspaces and all databases,
serving most content within my private website.
So, here we go...!
What happened during the last few months?! Well,
nothing in particular. At least nothing I would
note here. :)
Everything's quite fine, a lot of work, a lot of
private activities. Let's say: normality! :)
I'd really appreciate if you would drop me an
entry in my guestbook.
So long and thanks for the fish...
G'nite! |
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Thursday, 2006-10-12, 03:31:47 pm, @work |
Very special and very great things are happening!
My dear turned into a very gorgeous and
exceptional woman. She seems to recognize her own
benefits of it. And we both love it! |
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Friday, 2006-04-14, 12:05:31 am, @home |
too private; click here to login |
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Friday, 2006-04-14, 12:00:50 am, @home |
A few days of vacation! I could say, I'm feeling
great. I(we)'ve had two fantastic days with the
kiddies. My dear had to work very early, she
already was gone when the children woke up. I
spend the morning with the two of 'em, we had fun
and everything was fine. The last two afternoons,
we spent some time with Oliver and his sons,
Yannik and Julius. It was real fun and I'm glad
to have some more days together with my
darling.
I do love you! |
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Wednesday, 2006-04-05, 01:35:16 pm, @somewhere |
too private; click here to login |
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Wednesday, 2006-04-05, 11:16:51 am, @somewhere |
too private; click here to login |
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Monday, 2006-01-09, 01:42:38 pm, @work |
Lots of things and thoughts running through my
brain and through my veins. Feelin' sadness as
well as incredible happyness and love. Feelin'
salvaged most of the time. I love you, honey.
Mark Tremonti and Scott Stapp say...
When you are with me I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
Cause when you are with me I am free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
... and I somehow feel like that. |
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Wednesday, 2005-11-09, 11:24:53 pm, @home |
Glad to have you by my side, honey. I really
enjoy every very delightful moment with you.
Don't ever ever want to miss you again in my
life. I love you! |
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Thursday, 2005-10-13, 10:13:02 am, |
Meatloaf - Wastet Youth
I remember everything!
I remember every little thing as if it happened
only yesterday
I was barely seventeen, and I once killed a boy
with a Fender guitar
I don't remember if it was a telecaster or a
stratocaster
But I do remember that it had a heart of chrome
and a voice like a horny angel
I don't remember if it was a telecaster or a
stratocaster
But I do remember that it wasn't at all easy
It required the perfect combination of the right
power chords
And the precise angle from which to strike
The guitar bled for about a week afterward
And the blood was ugh dark and rich, like wild
berries
The blood of the guitar was Chuck Berry red
The guitar bled for about a week afterward, but it
rung out beautifully
And I was able to play notes that I had never even
heard before
So I took my guitar, and I smashed it
against the wall
I smashed it against the floor
I smashed it against the body of a varsity
cheerleader
Smashed it against the hood of a car
Smashed it against a 1981 Harley
Davidson
The Harley howled in pain, the guitar howled in
heat
And I ran up the stairs to my parents' bedroom
Mummy and daddy were sleeping in the moonlight
Slowly I opened the door, creeping in the shadows
Right upto the foot of their bed
I raised the guitar high above my head
And just as I was about to bring the guitar
crashing down upon the centre of the bed, my
father woke up, screaming "Stop!"
"Wait a minute! Stop it boy! What do ya think
you're doin'?
That's no way to treat an expensive musical
instrument!"
And I said: "God dammit daddy!
You know I love you, but you got a hell of a lot
to learn about rock an' roll!"
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Saturday, 2005-09-24, 11:41:04 am, @home |
By the way: my "current mood" (set 2004-10-09) is
still very recent and was throughout the last
months. |
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Wednesday, 2005-09-21, 05:39:51 pm, @work |
too private; click here to login |
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Sunday, 2005-09-11, 04:48:58 pm, @home |
I really do love you more than you'll ever know,
my truely beloved dear.
I cherish your love,
I love your closeness,
I honor your autonomy,
I love your gentle touches
and I love to touch and hold you.
Love leeds to incredible faith,
Faith leeds to unlimited liberty,
Liberty leeds to even greater love. |
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Friday, 2005-05-27, 08:52:24 pm, @home |
Haven't written for a long time. Okay, this site
was down for a long time, too.
So: here I am!
Am I able to recall what was going on the last
few months? No, I don't think so. So, the least I
can do is to start all over again. To cover the
moment, just as I did before.
But before what? Before I felt to have to take
this site down in order to think some certain
things over.
I realized, I'm not through with my mom's death.
It's very much harder to get on with it than I
thought. I miss her.
I realized, I made mistakes in the past and I
still have failures right now - and I will have
in the future.
I realized (once again), life ain't easy.
But in the end I realized one special thing in
particular: true, deep and honest love might be
the greatest gift on Gods earth.
I'm not an easy person, my dear neither is. That
doesn't make our life very simple, but it works -
and it works very well, indeed.
Apparently endless moments of joy and fun,
wonderful hours together with those awesome kids
and my gorgeous dear - that's what made me come
alive again, what brought me back my original
strength and makes me keep my head up high.
Since weeks, I'm able to be on my own again, to
live my life again and to remain strong. |
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Wednesday, 2004-12-29, 01:02:26 pm, @office |
During the last days, we actually moved into our
new appartment! I am feeling home, happy and
completely satisfied like I haven't felt for
years. Probably the last time those feelings
occured to me was at my parents home in 1996.
Honey, I really do love you! :-) |
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Wednesday, 2004-11-17, 10:58:21 am, @home |
too private; click here to login |
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Tuesday, 2004-11-02, 10:55:18 pm, @home |
I am officially off the market for almost four
weeks now. Just felt like it was time to state
this today. Never had a relationship like this,
never before felt like home. |
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Saturday, 2004-10-23, 06:22:28 am, @home |
Had one of the greatest party nights ever. Goin'
to get some sleep now... |
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Sunday, 2004-10-17, 06:20:53 pm, @munich |
Now I've had... (and I still have)
You know how the lyric goes. |
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Saturday, 2004-10-09, 04:34:05 am, @home |
You ever encountered a self fulfilling prophecy?!
I had a few of 'em today/yesterday - a few too
much, if you ask me. |
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Thursday, 2004-10-07, 03:27:42 am, @home |
too private; click here to login |
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Sunday, 2004-10-03, 04:55:55 am, @home |
Came home a few minutes ago. I am slightly drunk,
had another great evening with E. and later S. |
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Saturday, 2004-10-02, 05:41:46 am, @home |
In the very early morning, just came home. Had a
great first night in a row of two. |
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Wednesday, 2004-09-22, 02:04:04 am, @home |
A new star arose at my horizon. |
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Monday, 2004-09-20, 02:34:58 pm, @work |
Oh my fuckin' Goddess!
As amazed as I felt Friday night ('cause I then
expected some things to work fine), so shocked and
down I felt on Saturday. Things happened, I'd
never again anticipated to happen. Another
showdown yesterday in the early afternoon - okay,
the whole afternoon. Hours and hours of an
apparently neverending situation of stupidity and
foolishness. Talks and cynical laughter, uncried
tears and lots of shaken heads.
I already knew it to come last Thursday, so I led
some certain things into their proper ways. First
step automatically happend some minutes ago, at
2pm. Next step I assume to happen this late
afternoon. I'm thinking about to check it, but I
guess I don't have to.
Got a call from a former classmate last week,
actually he wanted to make an appointment to sell
me some insurance-stuff. I told him to come over
this evening, but I really ain't free in my mind
for that bullshit. So I just called him up and
cancelled that meeting, telling him I were busy,
having other things to think about.
Even though not really funny I had to smile about
the following for a tenth of a second or so: he
immediately asked me what was wrong, he said I
really, really didn't sound okay, he even told me
I sounded damn decayed. I tried to be as normal as
usual, just wanted to cancel that appointment, I
must have had a certain undertone in my voice -
can't tell... |
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Saturday, 2004-09-18, 01:17:26 am, @home |
Amazed is my current mood.
I'm amazed, 'cause some things seemed to happen
last week. I'm amazed, 'cause I realized once
again what real friends are. I'm amazed, 'cause I
made one or two steps forward to get back to my
actual strength. I'm pretty amazed, 'cause I seem
to have some certain things in reachable
range.
I'm really, really amazed, 'cause an astonishing
time is yet to come. 'cause life has proper
changes to occur to you and me. 'cause life has
great expectations - just realize 'em, act
according to 'em and live 'em.
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the
light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be
alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts
tonight
- Aerosmith |
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Saturday, 2004-09-11, 05:59:48 pm, @Cologne |
Though I walk through the valley of darkness
I am not afraid
Cause I know:
I'm not alone
|
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Sunday, 2004-09-05, 04:08:42 am, @home |
Dunno what to think.
And even worse, I dunno what to do.
I'm totally drunk and still not free in my
mind. Had some of my best buddies around tonight,
felt so good, but still have so much pain inside
and such little knowledge of my future. |
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Tuesday, 2004-08-31, 11:32:01 am, @doro's place |
I'm certified unfit for work the whole week now.
My doctor immediately filled out the form and
prescribed me some adequate drugs. Felt down like
hell. Doro demanded me to come over, so here I am
and try to forget. |
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Sunday, 2004-08-29, 11:32:42 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
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Sunday, 2004-08-29, 11:18:36 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
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Thursday, 2004-08-26, 09:52:43 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
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Tuesday, 2004-08-24, 10:49:20 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
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Tuesday, 2004-08-24, 10:19:36 pm, @home |
Still, there're two situations which
totally fuck my brain. Sometimes I even dunno how
to sleep, how to eat, how to get up or even
breath. I feel so beaten, so down and so
completely mistreated. Yesterday, I had my first
meal since last Wednesday. Did not really feel
well after that one. I barely eat, I nearly don't
drink.
I don't know myself like that. If I leave my body
and take a look at me, if I see myself like all
others do see me, if I analyze those situations
in an objective way, I can just shake my head.
Again and again and again.
I've got real good friends who always try to make
me smile, give me perspectives and hook me up. I
love 'em all, but they can hardly compensate what
I feel.
Why am I doing all this? Is it because I need
that kind of emotional pain? Do I feel guilty for
something I couldn't have abandoned in any way
and now abviously feel better by getting
punished? What the fuckin' hell is going on in my
life?
I'm sitting here, not wasted by now but wounded
anyhow. I am waiting for something that won't
happen (situation #1) and something else, that
will definitely happen (situation #2).
Is it because I try to compensate the pain caused
by situation #2 by being treated unfair by
situation #1?!
A (at the moment, and I hope it lasts) very good
friend of mine told me a couple of days ago, I
won't be able to focus on me and my life again
until situation #2 is over and the time has
healed the pain. As long as I think about it, I
conclude, that it's as cruel as it's the truth.
In the meantime, I should take care of me, some
of my friends are really concerned about me. But
I most of the time keep smiling and my head up
high.
Time flies by... |
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Saturday, 2004-08-21, 02:39:45 pm, @home |
Sad and anxious
Wrote another song Wednesday night - in just
about 5 minutes. It expresses my current
situation quite right.
-- Weak And Strong -- (Aug 19 2004)
Throughout all the years
Since I left home and family
Through all those heavy fears
Left me grounded with dry tears
Caught up a dream last night
Lonely but not alone
Telling me those friends in sight
They where so damn fuckin' right
Weakness and strength
Both made me what I am
Made me harder even strong
Showed me where I do belong
I am weak, damn!
I am strong, hey!
Leave this place, dude!
Don't get me wrong, no!
Gotta blame this godforsaken life
Gonna take a ride to make it fine
That's the miracle of bein' weak and strong
Don't show no mercy anymore
Won't get lost to the core
For what they did, there's no apology
Drove me right into eternal tragedy
Weakness and strength
Both made me what I am
Made me harder even strong
Showed me where I do belong
I am weak, damn!
I am strong, hey!
Leave this place, dude!
Don't get me wrong, no!
Gotta blame this godforsaken life
Gonna take a ride to make it fine
That's the miracle of bein' weak and strong
Weaker and stronger
By time no wonder
I do not ever look around
I finally do not lose the ground
Moving on, going on and caring less
There's no one else to trust and
Even no one else than me to bless
|
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Monday, 2004-08-16, 07:59:37 pm, @home |
These days are hard and dark. Just a few
sunny moments in times of sadness. Held some
talks with my dad today. Apparently neverending
thoughts about my beloved mum, the woman who gave
birth to me. The most important person ever in my
life.
Had a 2,5hours breakfast with Anne today, it was
nice and I was pretty amazed - feelings I didn't
have for weeks. We had a real great conversation,
concerning this and that. She gave me
perspectives, just as Rebecca always does.
I also told her and Rebecca and also Julia and
(via SMS) Agnes those days, how and why I act
just like I do at the moment. There're so little
real problems and I could really freak out 'bout
some dishonest individuals with their fuckin' not
important issues.
I'm happy, knowing what I know now and being able
to see things more clearly these days. I'm happy,
being able to hate those people today.
What did Anne say today? Every little and even
bad thing and moment has a meaning. She's so damn
right with that. |
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Sunday, 2004-08-08, 06:46:54 pm, @home |
... not quite often at home. 've been to
Frankfurt -- respectively Hanau -- a couple of
times, to Hameln this weekend. Set new principles
for me and my life.
Saw A. (supposedly on her way home) while riding
my bike this afternoon.
Nothin' more to tell, keepin' it all in my mind. |
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Monday, 2004-07-26, 12:39:23 am, @home |
I came to a decision tonight. |
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Monday, 2004-07-19, 09:31:24 am, @work |
A period of about 33 hours
with an amazing ghost of my very, very past just
ended - for the moment by all means. We've been
swimming and enjoying the afternoon sun yesterday
(together with Agnes and Jana) and later had some
remarkable time on my terrace.
Tired. |
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Sunday, 2004-07-18, 01:19:55 pm, @home |
Had a great weekend so far.
've been together with Milka, Kathi and Tina
Friday evening, was quite okay. Lay in the sun
Saturday afternoon, there was some kind of
scurrile summer-party at Wege's home in the
evening. Later, I met Sarah and we really got
drunk, made it through several locations and got
home in the very early morning (7am), we still
got some hours of sleep. |
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Monday, 2004-07-12, 11:48:32 pm, @home |
[link=/relaunch/graphics/popstars_nuernberg2004.ph
p]
me @ Popstars-Casting 2004-07-10
[/link] |
|
Saturday, 2004-07-10, 11:45:08 pm, @home |
After Popstars-Casting...
Actually, I've really been there. Sucessfully
passed the first Casting, which was held by vocal
Coaches. I was pretty amazed. After hours and
hours of waiting, chatting and hanging around
with others, I had to perform in front of Sandy,
Uwe and Lukas. I had absolutely no doubt of
getting kicked out by 'em, 'cause there were
about a 1000 people today, just 35 passed to the
Re-Re-Call.
To sum the day up, it was a real great day of
fun, joy and very nice people.
Popstars 2005 - here I come! |
|
Tuesday, 2004-07-06, 08:57:59 pm, @home |
About a week after I was up again, I had another
complete breakdown yesterday in the afternoon.
Had to barf all the evening. Those are the times
I hate what life's all about.
Got disillusioning news from home this evening.
Why can't things be easy some times?
Hell! |
|
Sunday, 2004-07-04, 12:03:55 pm, @home |
Sad for some certain reason, strucked by a
curious situation. Dunno what went wrong, dunno
what the problem was, neither when it started nor
when it ended. I love you for all you were and
all you are. Keep on being what you are. What a
great pity, we never met.
Kind regards, T. |
|
Monday, 2004-06-28, 04:56:28 pm, @work |
Incredibly enchanted
Gotta state two quotations:
The sun doesn't shine at night
It doesn't mean that there's no light
Tomorrow's a new day
Don't run away and hide
'cause everything will be alright
and
There are times
When I can't take it anymore
Why don't we understand
The simple things in life
Can give us more, more than we pretend
Feelin' real great after almost a week in bed. |
|
Thursday, 2004-06-03, 04:12:10 am, @home |
Having such an incredible
time...
Hard to tell neither what happened the last weeks
nor what still's happening. Just to mention some
remarkable things...
... many, many dates
... lots of great sex
... few nights at home
... holidays
... partying days and nights
... jam-session with Sarah
... heavy time with Julia
... endless days and nights with Rebecca
... a couple of nights with Agnes @ Weges
... great time with Regina
... re-union with Doro
... talks with another Doro
... Sabrina
... days and nights in the park
... Berg, Berg ([url]http://www.der-berg-
ruft.de/[/url])
... at the movies
Once again: I love my friends! |
|
Wednesday, 2004-04-21, 02:23:15 am, @home |
Just got home...
Had a wonderful evening in Munich. Strawberries,
sparkling wine, whipped cream, candles and deep
going talks at the English Garden. Later, had
breakfast at the "Cafe Munich".
It's great, having people around you, taking you
in their arms very unforeseenable, telling you,
they just stopped by to see you.
I'm happy with almost any aspect of my life. |
|
Monday, 2004-04-19, 01:13:35 pm, @work |
A German songtext...
... meaning what feelings I've buried in my heart
and my soul, explaining my hate and how I tread
with the past. Literally!
Setzt mich aus auf ein dunkles Meer
schwimmst nicht mehr hinterher
hast dich weggestohlen
hast dich weggestohlen
Harte Seele, blonder Blick,
feiger Harm, kein fieser Trick,
kein Prozeß, kein Gesuch,
kein Prozeß, kein Gesuch
Läßt mich ertrinken,
ertrinken im Strudel,
läßt mich zurück
Für dein Leben nach mir
wünsch´ ich dir viel Pech
ich hoffe es geht dir so richtig schlecht
in deinem Leben nach mir
sollst du dahinvegetieren
ich wünsch´ dir das Grauen an den Hals
und die Pest
Im Gedanken an dich fahr' ich Autos zu Schrott,
paß auf daß mein Leben nicht aus den Adern
tropft
bin traurig, leide nicht,
bin traurig, leide nicht
Du hättest es so gern gesehen
mein ganz langsames Untergehen
mein letztes Gurgeln nach dir
mein letztes Gurgeln nach dir
Wünsch´ dich überall hin
überall hin
nur nicht mehr zu mir
Für dein Leben nach mir
wünsch´ ich dir viel Pech
ich hoffe es geht dir so richtig schlecht
in deinem Leben nach mir
sollst du dahinvegetieren
ich wünsch´ dir das Grauen an den Hals
und die Pest
Und ist dein Stern erst gesunken
und gibt der Boden unter dir nach
dann sehe ich dir zu beim Untergehen
meinen Namen auf deinen Lippen
doch dann ist es zu spät
Für dein Leben nach mir
wünsch´ ich dir viel Pech
ich hoffe es geht dir so richtig schlecht
in deinem Leben nach mir
sollst du dahinvegetieren
ich wünsch´ dir das Grauen an den Hals
und die Pest
und dir die Pest
Für dein Leben nach mir
wünsch´ ich dir viel Pech
ich hoffe es geht dir so richtig schlecht
in deinem Leben nach mir
sollst du dahinvegetieren
ich wünsch´ dir das Grauen an den Hals
und die Pest
|
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Monday, 2004-04-19, 09:15:39 am, @work |
Hey you!
Whoever gave me that phone number (which was
intended to be fake but was surely not) last
night: thanks a lot! Drop me a note and I probably
owe you a drink. |
|
Sunday, 2004-04-11, 04:08:49 pm, @home |
Had another 32-hour-period with a magnificent
woman on Friday and Saturday. Visited Dark
Legend's Nike (the shoe) and some relatives. |
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Thursday, 2004-04-08, 01:21:40 am, @home |
I'm drunk...
... but I can do this little diary thing
anyway.
I can't neither dance nor drink away all my
trouble and all my pain. Though I experienced a
great evening and an even greater night with two
of my very, very, very best friends, I
cannot push aside my thoughts. I wish I could,
but they're burned so deeply in my mind...
(It was Thekenschlampen at "Der Hirsch"
tonight...) |
|
Monday, 2004-04-05, 09:49:10 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
|
Sunday, 2004-04-04, 12:29:37 pm, @home |
I am having a sensational time.
Hard to describe in other words. Though being
disappointed 'bout various matters, the wondrous
time continues... |
|
Wednesday, 2004-03-31, 10:37:32 am, @office |
Oh, my God...
... what a night. First, we (Doro, Flo, Jasmin,
Oli and me) have been to the Prinzenbar, where we
met a couple of real cool people, as well as some
chrashed individuals too. And once again, I also
met some of my former tutor kids.
Afterwards, we (Doro and me) attended a crowd of
people at the Saigon Bar. It was fuckin' cool.
Later, on our way home, we nicked a Turkey pita.
Cool as usual. |
|
Monday, 2004-03-29, 02:56:03 am, |
Have to correct myself:
Seven nights in a row. |
|
Sunday, 2004-03-28, 09:47:47 pm, @home |
First in seven nights...
... or in other words: the day, the cat finally
and definitely moved out. Threw all the crappy
stuff into a so called cat-trash-box; felt
incredibly good.
Had a week of joy, fun and all I could expect,
feeling so evenly at the moment. Yesterday, we've
been to an Afghan restaurant, it was some kind of
birthday event. I realized, it's not a wonder if
someone easily integrates him-/herself into a new
group of people. I realized, it's a kind of
weakness and backwardness if he/her is not able
to do so. 've been to cc42 afterwards, just for a
few minutes. Rofa later on.
This day started with a breakfast consisting of
sparkling wine, scrambled eggs, salmon and such
stuff. It continued with endless moments on my
terrace, sitting and amusing in the sun. Later,
having fun at some other places, again spending
time in the sun, laughing, talking and
philosophizing the whole day.
I don't even care, whether my ex's now screwing
around or not. I've had enough dates and women
the past 2 years - and I still do have. |
|
Friday, 2004-03-26, 11:24:25 am, @office |
Jeanette rocked the house...
Her show was great, her outfit even greater, it
was a nice evening with remarkable attendance.
We've been to a chillout sit-in afterwards.
Rememberable too.
Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll. Yeah! |
|
Thursday, 2004-03-25, 09:09:27 am, @work |
Edited...
Feelin' fine. |
|
Saturday, 2004-03-20, 12:31:06 pm, @home |
Once upon a time, I felt like this
One day, probably in the very, very past, I
exactly felt like the following beautiful
lyric.
Please enjoy!
Xavier Naidoo - Ich Kenne Nichts
You know they say
In every man’s life, there comes a time
When you got struck by the arrow of cupid
By the love of God, or the beauty by a woman
Yes, sometimes this love, brings thunder into
your life
And it brings the storm, sing about it
Xavier:
There is more to love like this
Love is more then just a kiss
Will we take you to that step
Will we do more than just connect
And will you, bring the thunder in my life
And the fire in my eyes
Cause then there, will be days of pleasure and
Everything far will be so near
Hook: Xavier
I have never felt thunder (thunder)
And lightning (lightning) like this
I have never been strucked by (strucked by)
A wonder (a wonder) like this
Xavier :
Ich könnte tagelang nur von dir erzählen
Ohne deinen Namen auch nur einmal zu erwähnen
Unter Schmerzen oder unter Tränen
würde dein Name als meine Linderung dienen
Jede deiner Bewegungen ist erstrebenswert und
Jede Stunde mit dir ist so lebenswert
Nichts ist vergleichbar mit dem was du gibst
Mit dem was du zeigst, wie du lebst und wie du
liebst
Ich kenne nichts, ich kenne nichts
Das so schön ist wie du
Schöne Tage mit dir sind kostbar
So kostbar wie der Weg zum Morgenstern
Ich zelebriere sie wie einen Festtag
An dem ich immer wieder neues von dir lern
Im Moment ist das schönste dich zu kennen
Dich zu kennen ist wohl das Beste das ich hab
Verzeih mir aber dieses sag ich nochmal:
Deinen Namen zu nennen ist wohl das Schönste was
ich sag!
Ich kenne nichts, ich kenne nichts
das so schön ist wie du
Ich kenne nichts, ich kenne nichts
das so schön ist wie du
Ich kenne nichts, ich kenne nichts
das so schön ist wie du
Actually I'm thru with this. It doesn't make me
sad anymore, not that it's over, not that it did
hurt, not that it did cost so much time and
strength and deep love.
But it does make me sad, that I'm thru
with it. Though just very little time of the day,
it does.
I'm not in the mood to come to some further
issues at the moment. Anyhow, can't define my
mood. |
|
Wednesday, 2004-03-17, 07:47:01 pm, @home |
Turning the pages, a new chapter usually
begins
Took a walk in the park. It's funny to realize
how great the very simple things of life can be.
Heading away again now... |
|
Tuesday, 2004-03-16, 10:35:33 pm, @home |
Together alone - not lonely by chance
First in seven nights not sharing the bed with a
head full of alcohol or accompanied by someone.
And it's okay. Having such a great time, feeling
good in my mind and concurrently guilty in my
heart for not being able to help that certain
person who gave me all the love all my life; I'm
simply not in the position to help, it makes me
teary and even tearier.
The only thing to deal with all this situation is
to gather all the strength and warmth of the
lovely people surrounding me most of the time. I
am so incredibly thankful, even (or especially?)
for the one spending the nights with
me.
And I'm even thankful for being able to bundle
all my enormous hate. I'm dealing with that my
own way and one day will come when I do what I
have to do. |
|
Sunday, 2004-03-14, 12:25:22 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
|
Saturday, 2004-03-13, 01:41:43 pm, @home |
What a night... |
|
Saturday, 2004-03-06, 02:08:31 am, @home |
What I learned out on the road...
... and especially the last two days:
I love my family, I really care for my little
sister - more than ever, more than I thought I
ever could.
I do have friends I can rely on, friends who
really care for me. Friends who are
there/here/wherever and whenever I need them to
be. Friends who hold me, friends I can hold.
Friends in whose presence I can be just like I
really am, not pretending to be like someone
else.
I absolutely appreciate everything you ever did
for me, which is a lot so far.
Love ya guys and gals - you will cognize whether
I'm talkin' 'bout ya or someone else. |
|
Wednesday, 2004-02-18, 03:02:01 pm, @home |
I'm back!
First of all, I have to thank Gernot for again
spending such a great time with me. It was a
pleasure for me to enjoy the last two weeks
together, managing all moments of trouble and
laughter.
Furthermore, I really have to thank the ones who
cared for my place and my lovely cat while I was
away. Thanks a lot, I really do appreciate your
cooperativeness and friendship.
Finally, I thank my family and all the other
beloved ones for waiting so (im)patiently
for me to return. |
|
Tuesday, 2004-02-17, 12:57:27 am, @Dallas, TX (via GPRS) |
Okay!
Today
(actually our last day), we finally
manged it to totally fuck up the car.
alamo sent a wrecker service which
swapped the automobile; we now
have a Dodge Stratus. This is so
unbelieveable, but it's true, pictures
will follow! |
|
Sunday, 2004-02-08, 08:41:29 pm, @clearwater |
Yesterday, we sank the car deeply in the swamp.
Almost destroyed it. Pictures will follow. It was
the most absurd situation ever in my life. |
|
Thursday, 2004-02-05, 10:43:17 pm, @New Orleans |
Well, well, well. Being in New Orleans, LA
now.
After the first shock on Tuesday morning, when
Agnes picked us up for the airport (we had to be
there at 7.15am, she stood in front of my door
at 6.40am, just as planned, and I was still
sleeping very deeply, without even having
finished packing all my belongings), everything
went just
quite okay.
No problems with the flights, just a few
difficulties when passing the immigration in
Dallas, heading for the location where JFK was
assassinated in 1963, heading for HRC, heading
down to Houston, HRC again, Motel6, Johnson
Space Center (NASA) the next day, left Texas for
Louisiana, heavy thunderstorms and lots of rain,
Motel6 at Lafayette, heading down for New
Orleans, spending some time at Loyola University
now.
Though spending some funny and real great time,
I can hardly sleep without having at least bad
dreams or thinking 'bout certain things the
whole day.
Feelin' good and sad the same time. |
|
Monday, 2004-02-02, 02:33:51 am, @home |
Nearly more than two bottles of wine with Gernot
made me focus on tomorrow, the day after tomorrow
and all my life. It didn't make me forget what my
heart feels like.
Feeling good, 'cause I'm drunk. Feeling
bad, 'cause I'm able to think anyways. |
|
Sunday, 2004-02-01, 05:11:26 pm, @home |
Made a decision: [link=/relaunch/me/nomoreIRC.php]
no more IRC![/link] |
|
Sunday, 2004-02-01, 12:49:39 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
|
Sunday, 2004-02-01, 02:13:50 am, @home |
Though constantly crying for more than six hours
now, I can barely shed a tear, maybe because I
didn't drink anything since Friday. And
furthermore though I cannot breath correctly,
because I've got to choke again and again, I
can't vomit anything, maybe because I didn't eat
anything for more than 36 hours now - where
nothing's inside, there can't anything come
out.
I haven't been alone the past four hours. I
alternately felt more than great and more than
even worse. Got the information I wanted, which
was more than I needed.
Feeling lucky, feeling sad, gotta think about it.
Actually, I cannot look ahead nor back or around.
There're just spots of light and darkness
circling around in my mind and my confused
universe. When will a friendly sun light up my
life again? What will it look and be and feel
like?
What am I supposed to do? |
|
Friday, 2004-01-30, 12:19:21 am, @home |
If God is a DJ
If life is a dancefloor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
|
|
Wednesday, 2004-01-28, 07:20:38 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
|
Wednesday, 2004-01-28, 01:44:12 pm, @home |
Sick, stayed at home today.
Called up Agnes yesterday evening; she
immediately knew what was wrong and how I felt
before I even said a single word. Can hardly be
alone.
Haven't slept in my bed for weeks now, feels too
bad, preferred my sofa.
How to increase worst? |
|
Tuesday, 2004-01-27, 01:45:59 am, @home |
In addition to
[link=/relaunch/interactive/diary/index.php&diaryi
d=61]an old diary-entry[/link] I
have to append:
love.
warmth.
strength.
future.
Though I had some friends with my tonight, I feel
miserable (see my moods). Hard to explain, even
harder to unterstand, impossible to bear. You
ever gone through a situation in which you knew
quite sure what you needed, what you wanted and
in which you concurrently felt what you couldn't
have at the moment, possibly neither had in the
past? Even though having some good time, I know
there could and must be more. There has to be a
way whilst chances are decreasing to keep it in
reach day by day.
<http://minuten.de/> |
|
Sunday, 2004-01-25, 10:01:11 pm, @home |
Good evening!
I did some major changes on the lyrics-part of my
website. Set up another database-table and added
some texts. More will follow whenever I like
to.
Furthermore, I implemented a link-feature, which
enables me to directly link you to the
[link=/relaunch/lyrics/index.php]Songtexts and
lyrics[/link]-page on my website.
Can't make long-term plans at the moment. The
only aim in reach are my upcoming vacations. Just
one more week to go. |
|
Sunday, 2004-01-25, 04:11:09 pm, @home |
Had a phone-call from my dad. Not at all good
news from home. Being even more sad now. |
|
Wednesday, 2004-01-21, 06:47:29 pm, @home |
Every now and then...
... I think about my past
... I think about my future
... I think about love
... 'n I think about hate
... I think about what's been
... I think about what could have been
... I think about what you did 'n what I
did
... I think about what we could have done
more
... I think about you and I
Folks, those of you frequently reading those
lines in my diary might know how I think, how I
work my things out. I'm usually straight, I
mostly know how to feel and solve my problems or
situations. I dunno how to solve that
situation now.
I'd like to call her, but I don't want to.
I'd like to love her, but I won't.
I'd like to date others a lot, but I can't.
I'd like to tell how I feel, but I don't know
how.
There's definitely more than just some feelings.
There's something hurting inside me so much, I
can't even tell. Sometimes, I'd simply like to
burst with silent noise and disappear in a puff
of desperation.
What crappy situation is that? |
|
Monday, 2004-01-19, 04:08:23 am, @home |
"The question whether or not we are alone in
the universe has been answered" - President
Thomas J. Whitmore, Independence Day (1996).
I if define myself as "we" and my life as "the
universe", I have to acknowledge and negate that
statement contemporaneously.
I have great friends, for sure. I can call 'em up
almost any time, I can join 'em late at night for
some bottles of wine, they come over if I am in
need of someone. Sure, that's great and one of
the most valuable gifts in "the universe".
But whom will I ever donate the biggest
part of my heart? Whom will I give all my love
and life? I dunno yet.
By now and for the rest of my life, my friends
will ever be the probably most important part,
though, I'd like to donate the biggest part to
someone, too. What does that mean? There might be
one person being the most important to me,
while the rest of my friends in sum are
even more important. The main cause is: you might
lose your partner frivolously and that's the
moment you need your friends more than ever. So:
don't ever give up your friends when in a
relationship.
I found the one being worth to earn the biggest
part of my heart about four years ago,
unfortunately I lost her involuntarily about two
and a half years ago, when we both moved to
Nuremberg.
I love my friends, those very kind and awesome
people. |
|
Sunday, 2004-01-11, 06:22:43 am, @home |
Hurting feet and constantly hurting brain. |
|
Thursday, 2004-01-08, 10:47:35 pm, @home |
Just realized, this project almost lasts for 3
years now. I'm glad of it. What I'm
wondering 'bout is the fact, that about half of
this page's length belongs to last year's
entries. I posted several songtexts, lyrics and
such stuff, which reflect or reflected my
feelings quite right at those moments.
Concerning my current feelings and thoughts: I
feel quite empty, I need my upcoming vacations... |
|
Thursday, 2004-01-08, 02:22:58 am, @home |
Well, well, well...
... we're all gonna go to hell. |
|
Tuesday, 2004-01-06, 03:30:45 am, @home |
my damn DSL-modem fucked up tonight, the
hilarious thing is: it worked 1 minute
before Gernot arrived at my place, it
didn't work anymore 1 minute after he
arrived! must have been his bad karma :)
the good news are: I have a working ISDN-backup :) |
|
Monday, 2004-01-05, 12:28:49 am, @home |
Strange things happen at Rofa during the last
weeks. But I love it. |
|
Friday, 2004-01-02, 03:43:24 pm, @work |
2003...
... was the year I finally split up with my long-
term girlfriend after having fought all possible
fights
... was the year I tought most about my family, I
really was frightened concerning my mum, the
woman I love most
... was the year I learned a bit more, what
friends are for
... was the year I got to know more new people
than in any other year before
... was the year I mostly thought about my
future
... was a year of love, hate, fears and tears.
2004...
... what will it bring to me?! |
|
Friday, 2004-01-02, 03:05:10 pm, @work |
When in need of a good cappuccino, why not
taste a real good one in Italy? When hungry for a
very good pizza, why not try an original
one in Italy? When your wine-rack's quite
empty and you need to refill, why not buy it
where it comes from, in Italy? Same with
parmesan.
To be more concrete, Monday was an incredible
day. Gernot and me visited Lisas family for
dinner, even more, we cooked dinner. It was a
great and funny evening. Right after falling into
my bed, I arose again, 'cause Gernot called me up
to find out, we were both bored. First, I met
some folks at
Coyote, where Gernot also came to, we then picked
up Agnes at her place. She was immediately
exalted by the idea, heading for Italy.
We drove all night, playing funny games to keep
us awake. Passing "Gardasee", it was still dark.
We stopped at Verona, had some Cappuccino, took a
walk downtown, enjoyed the great views from the
top of a hill, bought some wine and cheese, ate a
real good pizza and finally headed backwards to
Nuremberg, where we arrived at about 7pm.
Such spontaneous trips are the best ones. I loved
it. |
|
Wednesday, 2003-12-31, 01:36:32 am, @home |
concerning today's evening:
why sit and wait and waste time? |
|
Tuesday, 2003-12-30, 07:02:02 pm, @home |
back, will comment later, gotta go again soon. |
|
Tuesday, 2003-12-30, 01:35:44 am, @home |
... on the road now, heading for Italy. |
|
Sunday, 2003-12-28, 06:29:37 pm, @home |
Creed puts across a real great
feeling...
Hello my friend
We meet again
It's been a while
Where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart
Are memories
Of perfect love
That you gave to me
Oh
I remember
When you are with me
I'm free
I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice
We've seen our share
Of ups and downs
Oh
How quickly life
Can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and
Within your mind
Let's find peace there
'Cause when you are
With me
I'm free
I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice
I just want to
Say hello again
I just want to
Say hello again
When you are with me
I'm free
I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
'Cause when you are
With me
I'm free
I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice
My sacrifice
(I just want to
Say hello again)
I just want to
Say hello again
My sacrifice
|
|
Sunday, 2003-12-28, 05:27:42 am, @home |
The problem is, when coming home by that time,
there's simply nothing on television.
Had a real great party-evening/-night. Couldn't
have been better. Thanx to all ya guys and gals,
especially my dear ones. |
|
Wednesday, 2003-12-24, 02:59:06 pm, @home |
kind of words, I was waiting
for...
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving
in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was
wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna
lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you
by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we
ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do? I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without
you
How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind
Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more
each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud
to say
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna
lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you
by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we
ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do? I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without
you
If I could only hold you now and make the pain
just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna
lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you
by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we
ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do? I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without
you
- Delta Goodrem - Lost Without
You |
|
Tuesday, 2003-12-23, 01:50:25 am, @home |
just came home. headache for roundabout 42 hours
now, tonight's wine couldn't change that. it's
good to be with friends. |
|
Monday, 2003-12-22, 07:39:27 pm, @home |
neither... nor
dunno what to say. dunno what to think either.
glad having gorgeous people around me some time.
afraid of not having anyone around. tired of
wishing, tired of hoping. |
|
Monday, 2003-12-22, 06:24:46 pm, still @work |
why do proverbs always have to be so damn true?! |
|
Sunday, 2003-12-21, 09:18:00 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
|
Sunday, 2003-12-21, 06:19:35 pm, @ my parents' place |
what more could such a birthday bring to you? |
|
Wednesday, 2003-12-10, 01:03:54 am, @home |
J. - my therapist!
Why have you done this to me and all the others?
I miss ya that much, can't even tell.
Unintentionally read one of our aged mailthreads
('00) and hardly could abstain from beginning to
cry. Will always keep you in my mind, love ya!
mood: sad. |
|
Monday, 2003-11-03, 12:11:07 am, @home |
Probably had one of the most terrific weekends in
the past months. Been to Cologne, visited Maike
and her roommate. It was a great mixture of
party, luxurious meals (opulent breakfasts
there :)), fondly people and a bit of alcohol.
It definitely was the right decision to spend my
time that way! |
|
Saturday, 2003-09-20, 12:53:51 am, @home |
I realized at least one thing tonight:
Sometimes some things might happen, which leave
you speechless; you can never ever completely
rely on anyone, even though he/she claims -- or
by all means told you so -- to be your best
friend.
Current mood: not really well. |
|
Wednesday, 2003-09-17, 01:10:18 pm, @work |
Listenin' what Chad Kroeger's got to
tell:
Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking round with little wings on my
shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies...
ooo and it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come
down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd
lied
ooo
Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right
So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together
and take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again'
So I say 'why don't you and I hold each other
and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me
in'
When's this fever going to break?
I think I've handled more than any man can
take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
ooo and it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come
down
If said I didn't like it then you know I'd
lied
Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right
So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together
and take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again'
So I say 'why don't you and I hold each other
and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me
in'
And slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna
end
Right about the same you walk by
And I say 'Oh here we go again, oh'
Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right
So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together
and take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again'
So I say 'why don't you and I hold each other
and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me
in'
Current mood: dunno! |
|
Saturday, 2003-08-30, 07:36:52 pm, somewhere |
Did not write for some weeks now; was busy all the time - well, I still am. Lots of work, even more trouble here and there and again work and trouble. Can't tell I was unhappy the last few weeks, 'cause I never thought about being probably unhappy. I was just too busy getting and keeping my stuff working.
Well, it was a very strange and finally unhappy day today. Today, my parents moved from their house to a new one, just about 700m down the street. Although I left my family's house years ago, it still was kind of "coming home" when I got there. I spent many years there, I fought many fights with my parents, I watched my sister growing up, it was my damn home! The place I could always get to, when I was in trouble or need of anything. I loved that place, I loved it!
The new house is great, sure it is! But it is not the place I mostly grew up. It is not the place I invited my best friends to. It is not the place we had the greatest parties. It is not the place I had my first sex. It is not the place, I know better than my own appartment. And even worse: it is not the place, I'm moving in, I just helped my parents moving in and completely moved out of the old house at the same time. They moved over, I finally moved out. Crazy.
I'd have many things to tell, if I had any idea of what I should think about.
Ever thought of having your brain being emptied?
Richie Sambora says:
Seems like hard times come easy
We do a lot of hanging on these days
But the heart finds a reason
And love always seems to find a way
Even if it hurts
Well, hard times come easy, pretty sure. But where're the reasons, where's the way and when does it stop to hurt? And why the hell do I have to ask my damn heart for the reason? Why can't I just ask Mr. Google for my answers? He knows everthing, he even has to know those answers for my damn simple questions!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Kid Rock has another story to tell:
Up and down that lonely road of faith
I have been there
Unprepared for the storms and the tides that rise
I've realized one thing, how much I love you
And it hurts to see, to see you cryin'
I believe we can make it through the winds of change
God is great indeed
If you believe, in the everlife
Yeah we gotta
Make some sense of the pieces that we find
And if you just hold on, I wont let ya fall
We can make it through the storms and the winds of change
Though I walk through the valley of darkness
I am not afraid
Cause I know I'm not alone
And if the wind blows east, would you follow me
And if the wind blows north, would ya stay your course
And if the wind blows west, would ya second guess
And if it blows to the south, would you count me out
And if the sun don't shine, would you still be mine
And if the sky turns grey, would you walk away
Would you say I do, if I say I'll be
And walk this road through life with me
You know I love youuuuuu
On this lonely road of faith
On this lonely road of faith
Comment on that:
Faith's great and I'd love to love. But can you love a thing that constantly hurts your brain and heart? I am afraid and I feel like being left alone by my Gods and I feel empty and lost and just like being on a lonely and faithless and neverending road to nowhere.
Well, I assume: nowhere must be right beside hell. |
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Saturday, 2003-07-26, 01:51:39 am, @home |
I assume: being a very good driver means to be
able to place your car in a parking-lot, which is
just approximately 10 inches larger than your car,
after having had about 3 strong cocktails.
I further on assume: being lucky means to find a
parking-lot right in front of your apartment and
being able to place your car in it.
I define: right now, I'm lucky. |
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Sunday, 2003-07-13, 03:11:20 pm, @home |
I'd have another lyric to post... but let's pass
a few more days to quote it here! |
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Sunday, 2003-07-13, 02:54:13 pm, @home |
current mood: angry, very very angry.
can't even tell how much hate I bury in my heart
and my head; feelin' misused and misunderstood;
when seeing my own writings, one of the latest
Bon Jovi tracks occurs to me - quite a great
expression for the current situation:
Could I? Should I?
Apologize for sleeping on the couch that night
Staying out too late with all my friends
You found me passed out in the yard again
You cried, I tried
To stretch the truth, but didn't lie
It's not so bad when you think about it
well, well, well... let's have a look how
Evanescence would describe that situation
-- Bring me to life --
How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb without a soul my
spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
Frozen inside without your touch without your
love darling only you are the life among the
dead
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of
me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a
soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
(Bring me to life)
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
|
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Tuesday, 2003-07-01, 07:18:37 pm, somewhere/nowhere |
... not really feelin' well |
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Sunday, 2003-06-15, 10:52:29 pm, @home |
Does all the joy in my life count as much as the
pain in my heart? Does all the action during the
days answer the questions in my mind during the
nights? Who knows? I don't. |
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Saturday, 2003-06-14, 02:09:05 am, @home |
current mood: confused |
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Wednesday, 2003-06-04, 12:56:53 am, @home |
didn't write for weeks; but I don't sense this
online diary as a must-do; I write down some
things when I feel like; though, I feel guilty
for not recording some thoughts and
experiences;
have to think 'bout nyc again for some time now;
it is still supposed to be my favourite place of
livin' sometime within the next few years; dunno
when, even dunno how - but I do know that I
achieved almost any aim I really wanted to; gotta
think about and work on that; will have to
prioritize...
Big lived at 81st and Park; upper
westside; I'd be more than glad livin'
upper or even lower eastside;
we'll see...
Kid Rock expresses quite alright how I
feel like:
I was hiding from the sun once again
I was running from the time my friend
I've lost another war
So, I poured one more
And went home drunk again
She was up when the key hit the lock
And the clock looked at me
Just like the devil in disguise
I saw it in her eyes
She'd be gone before the evenin'
So, I poured another strong one
And chopped a line from here to Texas
Cause I've lost another good one
She's on the midnight train to Memphis
With a brand new start
I swore I'd love from the heart
I meant to change my ways
But I've seen better days
Than the one's that's here this mornin'
With a wife and kids at home
With a job some where on some assembly line
I wish I had that life
I bet you wish you had mine
So, let's pour another tall one
And chop a line from here to Texas
Cause I've lost another good one
She's on the midnight train to Memphis
[David Spade]
Dude, what station is this? K snooze?
Kid Rock I thought he was the American bad ass
He's putting me to sleep. Nudge me if he gets
over five decibals.
I knew his first album was a good one
But that's the way I am
And this is how I jam
All across the land from Alabam to bandstand
Doped up rebel with an attitude
Shit
So fuck a bitch
So fuck a bitch
So fuck a bitch
I won't switch won't quit my vices
Flip the script cause I'm gonna slice the
righteous
Haven't you heard I don't refrain
Free as a bird and so I won't change
Livin it up Givin it up fuckin shit up
What
I'm gonna run my track from the D to Nantucket
So fuck it - If you don't dig that, you can suck
it.
And it don't
And it don't
With an old suitcase, I swear
I'll leave this place
I'll get you back in time
Can't drink you off my mind
So, I'll see you when I'm sober
I been looking for some reasons
But I ain't found one down in Texas
I been changing with the seasons
Walked in a new line back to Memphis.
|
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Sunday, 2003-04-27, 01:47:52 am, @bed |
well, time goes by; i'd better say, time
flies by.
there're good times and there're bad times.
times of laughter and times of tears.
times of joy and times of pain.
why all the ups and downs? why does it have to be
so difficult? so different every day? why are
friends only friends, when they're friends? why? |
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Wednesday, 2003-03-19, 02:15:59 am, @home |
feeling so damn lucky; got some very good news today - both personal and vocational |
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Tuesday, 2003-03-11, 01:24:11 am, @home |
hum. sort of strange things sometimes occur.
we actually planned to play some batches of
billiard at p1-hall, unfortunately we forgot to
make a reservation for a table; in a sudden
explosion of creativity, we dicided to make it to
Munich for a quick trip into the Hard Rock Cafe ;-
) that really was spontaneous! :) heading for
bed now, nighty-night. |
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Friday, 2003-03-07, 12:46:57 pm, @work |
why does it feel so bad?
why does it hurt so long'n'deeply?
why do I feel so damn emptied? |
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Friday, 2003-03-07, 01:53:15 am, @home |
well, well, well; I really don't know what to
think and even less what to do; it's hard to do
the right things and it's even harder not to do
the wrong |
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Tuesday, 2003-03-04, 12:07:55 pm, @work |
mostly dead. |
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Friday, 2003-02-28, 06:27:44 pm, @home |
weeks ago, I was afraid of falling back, afraid
of being weak; days ago I felt weak but wanted to
change things back, to switch back to harmonious
times; OMD once told us:
and it's a long long way, from where you want to
be
and it's a long long road, but you're too blind
to see
too blind to see the obvious?! |
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Tuesday, 2003-02-04, 10:25:15 pm, @home |
where have the incredible days gone? afraid of
falling back. hard to remain silent. |
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Saturday, 2003-01-25, 03:59:46 pm, @home |
silence |
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Tuesday, 2002-11-19, 07:48:04 pm, @denver |
first Denver-pics online... |
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Sunday, 2002-11-17, 10:11:16 pm, @denver |
well, I'm so damn-tired; being in Denver for 3
days now, I feel like being on vacation for nearly
a whole week; we're having so much fun, I really
enjoy this time, though I feel guilty 'cause I'm
not with my family now... |
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Saturday, 2002-11-02, 01:16:40 pm, @home |
pictures of X-Mas 2001 in New York City and a few
days in Los Angeles now online; have fun :) |
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Wednesday, 2002-10-30, 11:12:12 pm, @home |
feeling strange but better, much better; being
tired now; |
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Wednesday, 2002-10-30, 11:03:06 pm, @home |
too private; click here to login |
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Tuesday, 2002-10-29, 04:28:37 pm, @office |
pictures of my last US-trip now online -
"vacations", "USA summer 2002"; have fun :) |
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Monday, 2002-10-28, 12:59:19 am, @home |
baby you can do it, come on! |
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Sunday, 2002-10-27, 01:31:00 pm, @home |
Bon Jovi - With A Little Help From My Friends
What would you do if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
I'll try not to sing out of key
Oh, I'll get by with a little help from my
friends
Yes, I'll get high with a little help from my
friends
I'm gonna try with a little help from my
friends
What do I do when my love - she's away
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad becaouse you're on your own
Oh, I'll get by with a little help from my
friends
Yes, I'll get high with a little help from my
friends
I'm gonna try with a little help from my
friends
Baby I don't know
Baby I don't know
Oh, I'll get by with a little help from my
friends
Yes, I'll get high with a little help from my
friends
I'm gonna try with a little help from my
friends
Do you need anybody
I just need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love
Could you believe in the love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn off the light
I can't tell you but I'm sure I feel nice
Oh, I'll get by with a little help from my
friends
Yes, I'll get high with a little help from my
friends
I'm gonna try with a little help from my
friends
Do you need anybody
I just need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
Baby I don't know
Baby I don't know
Oh, I'll get by with a little help from my
friends
Yes, I'll get high with a little help from my
friends
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends |
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Saturday, 2002-10-26, 12:41:42 pm, @home |
some things are way too private to be
written down somewhere; not on papers, not in
databases, not on hidden or protected websites;
they'd better be kept in people's minds; can't
describe anything today; |
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Friday, 2002-10-25, 04:22:09 pm, @work |
done. |
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Friday, 2002-10-25, 01:24:10 pm, @work |
too private; click here to login |
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Friday, 2002-10-25, 03:12:54 am, @home |
too private; click here to login |
|
Friday, 2002-10-25, 03:08:30 am, @home |
I decided to start writing down some of my more
private thoughts, but making them only viewable
for authenticated users;test |
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Thursday, 2002-10-24, 02:02:54 am, @home |
shame on you if you fool me once
shame on me if you fool me twice
well, feelin' sad and free the same moment; I can
see new times approaching; heading to bed with my
laptop instead of my girlfriend; heading to bed
being sad instead of being in trouble; is it
right?
I am right, that's what I know, that's what I've
been told a hundred times
Just as I thought it was going alright
I find out I'm wrong,
When I thought I was right
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's
all
I could say day, you'd say night
You tell me it's black when I know that it's
white
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's
all
G'night. |
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Wednesday, 2002-10-23, 01:30:30 am, @home |
just made it home a few mins ago; what I wanna
say right now:
this is my diary, these are my
thoughts! I don't want to be faced with 'em by no
one except by myself;
what I learned today:
it's my life
it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
'cause it's my life.
yeah, that's exactly what I think and feel; now,
then and everytime; that doesn't mean there's no
space and time for anyone else, no! it just means
that life's too short not to live it.
sweet dreams.
uhm, Cathy... you might be right. |
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Tuesday, 2002-10-22, 05:44:39 pm, @office |
waitin' 'til friday. |
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Sunday, 2002-10-06, 02:38:02 am, @home |
When danger becomes a temptation
When every move brings you closer to the edge
When you live each day like it's your last
There's a surprise around every curve. |
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Sunday, 2002-10-06, 12:59:03 am, @home |
have to write some stuff now;
what are the most important things I expect of a
relationship?
steadiness.
I need my relationship to be stable and certain;
I already had some consisting of sex and nothing
but sex; what I need now is a warm and safe place
to call home, a place to come to and feel either
harbored and anticipated; I don't want to come to
that place and get into even more trouble I had
outside;
comprehension.
I need to be sure it is understood what I am
saying, thinking and doing; I need my freedom to
do my stuff; that does not mean I won't be
able to love while those times; I surely
do;
honesty.
probably the most important thing; I can't either
live nor love while being afraid of being lied
to; those lies made unintentionally aren't that
bad, but they're not okay anyhow;
laughter'n'fun.
I need my partner to be also my best friend; to
talk and laugh about love, life, sex and
everything; I am a very cheerful and open-minded
person, laughing and joking almost the whole day;
how could a snowball survive in hell or some
drops of water in the dry county?
trust.
need I say more? there can't be any kind of
relationship without trust!
oh, there are much more things a relationship
needs, I'm pretty sure 'bout that; maybe I wanna
name some of them another day... |
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Tuesday, 2002-08-27, 07:02:55 pm, @home |
one of the most exciting things about being home
again is the fabulous toilet paper there :)
i'm very tired now, going to sleep after
some 27 hours of travelling around the globe;
will leave for italy the upcoming night... |
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Monday, 2002-08-19, 02:42:06 pm, @Las Vegas |
sigh |
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Sunday, 2002-08-18, 07:26:16 am, @Las Vegas |
okay, we're currently in Las Vegas after we
stayed on Wilshire in Beverly Hills last night;
we were in Death Valley today, incredible hot! we
somehow landed in a small village southeast of
Death Valley in which we had some of our most
funny adventures the last days; wanna have a look
at Shoshone's website?! Go
here... :-)
also incredible is our current location here;
we've got a little suite with
a kitchen
a refrigerator with ice-crusher
a cooker
a living-room with couch, TV and VCR
2 bedrooms with TV and alltogether 3 kingsize
beds
2 bathrooms
i think i like it... :)
miss my dear though... :-/ |
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Saturday, 2002-08-17, 03:55:11 am, @LA |
got on board a westbound 767; finally made it
to LA...
almost forgot how great life's here; we're
completely overwhelmed, although it's not half
as hot as it was in NY a few hours ago...
oh yeah, we've been to a great bar last night,
was really cool there; dark, loud, crowded,
nice...
made a decision
made some conclusions
learned several things
|
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Tuesday, 2002-08-13, 07:11:15 am, @Times Square, NY |
just added a picture taken @ Times Square with a
webcam located in an internet-cafe... :) |
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Saturday, 2002-08-10, 09:19:12 pm, @Columbus Circle, NY |
greetings from New York City, the city that never
sleeps; havin' great times here but missin' my
honey at home; had a very strange experience at
the airport yesterday - much to strange to tell;
NY's great, took already some 100 pictures :) |
|
Tuesday, 2002-08-06, 05:16:47 pm, @office |
well, well, well... just two days and some
hours to go...
what happened the last days and weeks? i don't
even know; cocktail-party was quite fine, not
too many and not too few people came, having a
nice evening :)
will go home any minute now, spending some time
relaxing and feeling just well :)
will tell more the next days and also while
being in the United States...
bye |
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Sunday, 2002-07-21, 06:26:34 am, @home |
i'm tired, heading for bed now. |
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Saturday, 2002-07-20, 04:21:59 am, @home |
phew, didn't write for some time; was quite busy,
working, loving and living; made some major
changes to my website; relaunched beta-release of
the picturebook, revitalized the
quotation-interface, trying to harmonize the site,
obtaining the same layout and style throughout the
hole site;
well, was to diploma-party of Katrin, nothing very
special but nice :)
planning a cocktail-party on the first weekend of
august, we'll see... |
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Wednesday, 2002-07-03, 11:13:44 pm, @office |
gotta do a system-change; feeling so
damn-fuckin' sick :-( headache, heavy weakness,
can hardly lift my arms; what's happening to me? |
|
Tuesday, 2002-07-02, 12:39:42 am, @home |
you believe in soulmates? someone you know and
love that much, you can't be together with? |
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Monday, 2002-07-01, 03:54:54 pm, @work |
horrible times; wondering whether i can stand it
some more or not; whether the point of no return
has been crossed or not; whether or not?! that's
the question; who knows the answer, who gives
advise? |
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Sunday, 2002-06-30, 11:55:50 pm, @home |
having headache, got drunk tonight; been to one of
the best parties the last months, 'Alstadtfest
Lauf' with Gernot, Lisa and Holger (friend of
'em); oh, how i love that celebratory! :) seeing
old friends, enemies, folks... ppl i haven't seen
for years now; i was a bit drunk tonight, okay,
but it was a great evening though.
i saw and talked to many ppl of my past; Susi,
Gaelle Laurent, who i haven't seen for at least 2
or 3 years now; i last saw her at a
wine-celebratory in nuernberg; Basti, who i
haven't seen since graduation; the highlight at
least was Catherine; i also haven't seen her for
at least 6 years now; she developed from a crazy
teenager to a crazy and attractive woman, studying
in munich; oh, how we had fun in our clique in our
youth; time goes by way too fast; i'd like to
enjoy my youth one more time, but all i can do now
is living my life, cause it's my
life...
oh, did i mention, we'll see Aerosmith in New
Jersey on 2002/08/13 ?! :)
G'night. |
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Thursday, 2002-06-20, 10:29:54 pm, @home |
sitting outside, at my terrace now; was *very*
warm the last few days, but i like that really
much; this evening, a little thunderbold occurred,
wasn't too bad, the air is quite fresh right
now;
oh, what do i have to tell?! well, not much :)
feeling happy the last days, lots of work, lots of
harmony, lots of love... tomorrow we gonna
celebrate midsummer night at baunach, near
bamberg..
oh, i'm really lookin' forward to august 9th;
well, well, well i'm a bit tired, a bit drunk;
been to a little barbecue of #52 this evening, got
2 beer and drinkin' a caipirinha now; how i love
that drink... :)
okay, i think i gotta go inside now; the one cat
is waiting for me, the other one is coming any
minute now
bye |
|
Monday, 2002-06-17, 04:18:46 pm, @work |
at the moment we have 29.6°C (85.28°F) INSIDE the
office... |
|
Sunday, 2002-06-16, 08:51:18 pm, @home |
learned several things last weekend:
you never know what's coming up when you
arrive at a party
you shouldn't count your chickens before they
are hatched
make your priorities clear (even if it's hard)
change your mind
don't be afraid of it, just do it! no, it's
not a nike-commercial... :)
it's not unlikely to be surprized, it can
happen!
well, was at a party in bubenreuth on friday;
young people there, was a great evening, much
fun, very much alcoholics; i feel like having my
second youth when being there; just having great
times, nothing else; not being involved in
feelings-stuff; it's just fun
btw, still 53days, 9hours and some mins to
go 'til our aircraft leaves the ground; i need
some holiday so badly, i can't even
tell...
well, well... kathas birthday yesterday; began a
bit slow, a bit too slow as far as i'm concerned;
well, got better later; much Tequila, some
waterpipe...
oh, there was another party yesterday, i forgot:
birthday of some colleagues; did a nice
barbecue 'til it began to rain cats and dogs; we
escaped
gotta do a bit slower the upcoming days... :) |
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Thursday, 2002-06-13, 02:25:47 am, @home |
got home late at night; thinkin' 'bout some
things; what's life about? is it about workin' for
it? is it about livin' it? is it about sharin' it?
or about something else? what is life about? where
am i heading? where's my life leading me to? is it
a location? or a feelin'?
come on over, have some fun, dacin' in the morning
sun; look into the bright blue sky, come on let
your spirit fly;
i just feel like that; livin', lovin' and feelin';
having fun, doing what life brings up next; not
just waiting for a reason to celebrate, just
celebrating to have the reason
just another lucky day, no one makes me feel this
way; watch the waves and feel the sand, kiss me
now and take my hand
i wanna wake up in the morning, thinkin' of what a
great day is coming up; thinkin' of great things
to do; thinkin' of wonderous moments to occur and
share with others; havin' fun, just feeling
allright
all the tears i've cried before, they can't touch
me anymore; now that you are by my side, it's all
i need to know
i think there's at least one person out there who
fits your needs; you gotta find him/her, you gotta
hold him/her; never let him/her go again; but what
about your life-plans? what's more important -
your life and its plans and needs? your family,
friends and all beloved ones? i really don't know;
in the end, i'd like my environment to fit my
dreams :) i'd like to be able to fulfill my dreams
without givin' up anything i got so far; what
about priorities?
just another lucky day, no one make me feel this
way
well, that's true so far; the few, the very few
and very small not perfect things are about to get
solved; workin' on it; so, is life about to work
on it? do i have to change my life and its
surroundings? hard job :) i think i don't have to,
i can't; but i can help, i can give pointers
towards the right direction; but what's eventually
right? and wrong?
you see, life is everything else than easy; not
even easy like sunday morning, espacially if it's
thursday and it's late at night :)
good night |
|
Saturday, 2002-06-08, 03:49:08 am, @home |
thinkin bout some more things... missin or not? i
think i do, but i miss much more.
dont wanna be alone but i dont wanna be sad
either; who can show me the way? far or near?
left or right? up or down? okay, always upstairs,
of course :) but here or there? cant i be
everywhere? |
|
Saturday, 2002-06-08, 03:43:37 am, @home |
took a quick look at cathys diary, therefore
writin this entry in english :)
got home a few mins ago, been to munich for
breakfast (strange time, you think? no, it is
not! :))
of course it only sucks _sometimes_, right... but
it definitely does! okay, great adventure... i
got a good graphic card, too... but what about
the joystick? is there no video-accelerator?
where do i get the cheat-codes? an adventure game
is run by me, but i feel like i am being run by
the game; i feel like Guybrush Threepwood :)
headin forward, makin plans, throwin them away,
makin new ones, reconfigurin, thinkin,
comparin... where am i goin? who am i? why am i
here? forget the question - someone gimme another
beer...
good night :) |
|
Friday, 2002-06-07, 01:46:17 am, @home |
ueberall nur fussball, ich krieg die kriese...
waren heute im druckhaus und danach bei katrin
wein trinken, hatte heute die wonderwall-cd auf
dem radio-server gefunden und gebrannt, echt geil
:) morgen geht es vermutlich nach muenchen, mal
schauen... |
|
Wednesday, 2002-06-05, 07:17:32 pm, @work |
... unfassbar, echt unfassbar... |
|
Wednesday, 2002-06-05, 06:35:58 pm, @work |
seufts; langer tag, stundenlange meetings; von
erfolg gekroent; mag heim und schlafen... seufts. |
|
Tuesday, 2002-06-04, 12:40:29 am, @home |
seufts; also manchmal verstehe ich wirklich die
welt um mich herum nicht mehr; who am i, why am i
here? forget the question, someone gimme another
beer; die letzten wochen waren ziemlich geladen,
voller spannungen der verschiedendsten arten; viel
auf dem berg, die verfolgungsjagd mit 3
streifenwagen, star wars episode II; es ist
manchmal wirklich komisch und dennoch ebenso
schoen wie auch einfach, die guten freunde auf
einmal direkt vor der nase zu entdecken, obwohl
sie schon seit langer, langer zeit genau dort
waren; naja, irgenwie kann man es nicht allen
recht machen, hauptsache ich mache es mir selbst
recht; ich lebe, ich bin (noch) jung, ich will
mein leben geniessen, alles ERleben, neue dinge,
neue situationen; ich will mich fordern und ich
will gefordert werden; ich will und brauche
menschen um mich herum, die mich fordern und die
mich noch ueberraschen koennen; ueberrascht werde
ich immer wieder von dem dummen walter, eine etage
ueber mir; ich sollte ihm ein eigenes forum
widmen, damit ich noch in einigen jahren herzhaft
ueber ihn lachen kann; aber eigentlich ist er das
auch nicht wert; ein zurueckgebliebener
stuemperhafter trottel; ein richtig typisch
deutscher spiesser; seufts; bin jetzt muede, werde
gleich schlafen gehen; nacht! |
|
Wednesday, 2002-05-01, 02:41:20 am, @home |
sometimes, things aint funny; sometimes, things
aint easy; sometimes you aint go
t nothing do but make yourself feel alright; was
will ich damit sagen? manchmal
versteht man die welt nicht mehr; manchmal ist
alles so verquer, dass man weder
aus noch ein weiss; alles ist irgendwie komisch,
verdreht, nichts passt zusammen
; ein haufen von 10.000 puzzle-teilen, die man
hingeschmissen bekommt, man soll
sie zusammensetzen, kennt jedoch nicht das
gesamtbild und man weiss auch nicht,
ob alle puzzle-teile vorhanden sind; viel spass
dabei; live goes on, somehow; na
ja, was ist sonst los? war heute auf dem
hosen-konzert; vip.-loge der telekom in
der arena; nett :) ansonten ist morgen (heute)
fahrt in den mai, viel weiter ka
nn ich derzeit nicht denken, alles zukuenftige ist
irgendwie total wage; weiter
(nach oben?) geht es immer; nacht! |
|
Tuesday, 2002-04-09, 02:49:49 am, @home |
kann nicht schlafen; war bis vorhin bei mrs.
ulysses, konnte aber einfach nicht einschlafen, mir
geht zu viel im kopf herum; keine
beziehungsprobleme, etliches anderes zeugs; ich
weiss auch nicht; ich muesste einfach mal wieder
eine weile hier weg; einfach raus, 3-4 wochen
alleine sein, niemanden sehen und ausspannen;
das muss doch irgendwie moeglich sein; naja,
vielleicht habe ich irgendwann mal viel zeit dafuer |
|
Sunday, 2002-03-24, 03:10:30 am, @home |
kennt das ausser mir noch jemand: staendig
verliert die bettdecke ihre konfiguration und
moechte administriert werden; spaetestens alle 2
tage dreht und wendet sich das innenfutter der
bettwaesche hervorragend hin und her, so dass sie
so ueberhaupt nicht mehr passt; man zieht und
zerrt des nachts dann an dem waermenden stueck,
doch man wird nur von einem leichten stofffetzen
(nach neuer rechtsschreibverdrehung mit 3 f!)
bedeckt, das futter kringelt sich irgendwo unter
dem grossen zeh oder hinter dem arsch; ein
trauerspiel; nach 3-4 tagen dann bleibt einem nur
noch eine vollstaendige de- und anschliessende
neuinstallation als rettungsmassnahme, um wieder
in den genuss einer funktionalen bettdecke zu
kommen; ich hasse das; hatte heute einen mehr als
ausgefuellten tag; am spaeten vormittag
aufgestanden, dann zu joern gefahren, um ihm beim
streichen zu helfen, doch es war natuerlich das
reinste chaos; entgegen der versprechungen war
selbstverstaendlich nichts vorbereitet, also
erstmal zum obi; seufts; dann stundenlang
gestrichen, dann ins cc42, dann heim, duschen,
coyote, rofa, heim; morgen erstmal um 11 mit tanja
fruehstuecken, dann ausruhen :) dann auto zeigen,
dann zu den eltern, essen, evtl. kommt dann noch
katrin vorbei; also auch ein ausgefuellter tag;
ich gehe nun erstmal mit der decke kaempfen; heute
verliert sie |
|
Wednesday, 2002-03-20, 03:59:59 pm, @office |
puh, 2 monate nix geschrieben; was war los?!
katrin und ralf beide wieder in nuernberg, waren
ziemlich viel unterwegs; mittlerweile kann man
sich auch mal wieder vor die tuere trauen, ohne
angst haben zu muessen, den kaeltetod zu
sterben; skifahren in oe. war klasse; wollen
jetzt privat auch mal wieder was aufziehen;
inlinern; kino; essen; rofa; kerstin diesen
monat im lande, hat sich gar nicht veraendert :)
hab letzte woche in der rofa ziemlich abgesahnt;
karten gewonnen, getraenkegutscheine, basecap,
portable cd- und mp3-disk-player; nunja; wird
zeit, mal schauen... |
|
Saturday, 2002-01-19, 08:53:22 pm, @home |
scheisse euro; klar, es gibt keine preiserhoehung
nach einfuehrung des euro - wer soll das denn noch
glauben?! irgendwie ist alles teurer geworden; auf
der anderen seite wieder ist es total verwirrend;
ich stand letzte woche in einem comet-markt an der
kasse, mit einer packung spaghetti, knoblauch und
noch irgendwas beladen; ich wuehlte in meiner
tasche nach kleingeld und zaehlte: 2, 4, 6 euro -
naja, wird schon reichen, ich konnte den wert
einfach ueberhaupt nicht mehr abschaetzen; was hat
es dann gekostet?! 2 euro 27; perfekt ich gehe
gleich mit katrin in die rofa - seit langer zeit
das erste mal, dass ich mich dort sehen lasse;
eigentlich haette ich total oft lust hinzugehen,
doch ich kann mich entweder nicht aufraffen, oder
aber ich habe schlicht keine zeit - komisch; hey,
ich war heute das erste mal seit 1996 wieder
skifahren; hat ganz gut geklappt, ich musste ja
ueben, weil es mitte februar fuer ein wochenende
nach oesterreich geht :)) |
|
Thursday, 2002-01-10, 11:53:38 am, @work |
freunde; was sind sie eigentlich?! sind die
wirklichen freunde die alten freunde?! oder sind
es die neuen freunde?! das kann man so wohl nicht
klassifizieren; sind es die partner?! oder die
freunde, die mit einem um die haeuser ziehen?!
oder die, die unverhofft auf dem geburtstag
auftauchen, obwohl man nicht damit rechnete, sich
aber darueber immens freut?! oder sind es die, die
man gerne sehen wollte, es ihnen mehrfach sagte
und die dennoch weder kamen noch sich meldeten?!
sind es die, die sagen, sie seien stets da?! oder
sind es die, die es wirklich sind?! sind die
wirkliche freunde, die sehen, fuehlen und merken,
was los ist, wie es einem geht und die ihre tueren
oeffnen?! oder die, dies es tun sollten, aber
nicht dran denken?! vermutlich denken sie dran,
wollen es aber nicht; vermutlich verlange ich
einfach zu viel; ehrlichkeit, offenheit und
aufrichtigkeit wird halt heutzutage nicht mehr
allzu gross geschrieben; verraten und verkauft;
perfekt |
|
Wednesday, 2002-01-09, 01:10:00 am, @home |
manchmal (haeufig) gibt es momente im leben eines
mannes (zumindest ist es bei mir so), in denen man
zurueckblickt und versucht, zu resuemieren, was
man von seinen sich gesetzten zielen erreichhat,
welche ziele man aktuell noch hat und welche man
sich noch stecken kann und mag; warum haben wir
ziele? nach welchen gesichtspunkten suchen wir sie
aus? suchen wir sie ueberhaupt aus, oder tauchen
sie einfach irgendwann am horizont des lebens auf
und warten sehnlichst auf erfuellung? was ist der
sinn des lebens? kann das leben einen ueberhaupt
einen anderen sinn haben, als fuer sich selbst
stets und immerzu das beste aus allem und jedem
moment zu machen?! was, wenn wir falsch liegen?
wenn unsere achso wichtigen wuensche sich als
irrtum herausstellen? gibt es einen weg zurueck?
immer? nie? gute nacht. |
|
Friday, 2002-01-04, 01:07:26 pm, @la |
things might change... |
|
Tuesday, 2001-12-25, 03:43:46 pm, @ny |
heya; viele gruesse an dieser stelle aus ny!
wetter ist genial, wenn auch eisig kalt; waren
schon an/bei/auf: empire state building, madison
square garden, ground zero, little italy,
chinatown, 5th ave., central park, financial
district, upper west-side, macys, ... besonders
bemerkenswert ist echt, dass ununterbrochen die
sonne scheint - echt der hammer; ich gruesse alle
daheimgebliebenen :) |
|
Wednesday, 2001-12-19, 01:51:40 am, @home |
auf wunsch von dani gibt es explizit fuer sie
einen neuen eintrag :) dani ist ein mensch aus
meiner vergangenheit, wie ich leider an dieser
stelle resuemieren muss; wir lernten uns wohl
irgendwann 1991 kennen, als ich nach bayern kam;
aber gekannt haben wir uns da noch lange nicht;
sie war halt einfach da, ein netter und
liebenswerter mensch, der immer irgendwo
auftauchte und zu der clique gehoerte, in der auch
ich ab und an herumhing; wir fuhren scharenweise
immer sommer zelten, spielten des oefteren auf dem
grossen rasen meiner eltern volleyball, trollten
im freibad herum, gingen billard spielen (damals
noch mit sb :))... alles, was man im
jugendlichen-alter halt so macht; im fruehjahr und
sommer 1994 machten wir wohl gemeinsam den
fuehrerschein und verdienten uns das noetige
kleingeld durch ferienarbeit beim bueschel in
schwaig :) gott, waren das noch zeiten... wir
fingen teilweise morgens um 6:00 an und arbeiteten
bis 18:00 durch, um dann direkt zu theorie zu
radeln :) mitten in der kollegstufe verschwand
dani dann leider irgendwie und ging ihren weg,
leider ist sie auch recht selten hier um die ecke
anzutreffen und man sieht sich eher selten
zwischendurch mal... schade und irgendwie nur
schweren herzens zu ertragen; da war zwischen uns
niemals etwas, was der volkmund wohl als beziehung
bezeichnen wuerde (und das ist gut so), dennoch
empfand ich es manchmal als etwas besonderes; dani
ist ein mensch, den man einfach liebhaben muss,
etwas stressig, wenn man es hasst, staendig
schluessel zu suchen und in tueren einbrechen zu
muessen oder ein chaotisches leben zu fuehren,
aber einfach ein mensch, von dem man sich denkt,
schoen, dass er da ist :) ich freue mich schon auf
den naechsten abend zusammen bei einem glas
rotwein... :) was gibt es denn sonst noch zu
berichten?! ich bin vorhin erst vom badminton
gekommen, habe mich noch ziemlich lange mit ch.
unterhalten, die ueblichen themen halt; grad
laeuft oliver geissen auf rtl, eines der ueblichen
themen: ich bin zu fett; gott, wer kann sowas denn
noch sehen?! ich frage mich, ob die menschen allen
ernstes keine anderen probleme haben; naja,
uebermorgen ist geburtstag, ich will nicht schon
wieder aelter werden, schrecklich das; dafuer geht
es am samstag endlich ab nach ny; ich bin froh,
wenn ich mal ein paar tage (sind gleich ueber 2
wochen) wirklich ruhe habe, kein handy, keine
mails... naja, dauert ja nicht mehr lange; bis zum
naechsten mal, ciaoi... |
|
Friday, 2001-12-14, 12:57:46 am, @home |
hatte grad ein mal so richtig klasse erlebnis der
besonderen art; komme von der
noris-weihnachtsfeier nach hause (war total klasse
dort, btw; mathias war krass besoffen, hat nur
noch schraege lieder mit dem buchhalter
getraellert und ist dann mit ker heimgefahren;
selbst torsten war gut angeheitert; orkun und
grafixx sind gemeinsam verschwunden, uhoh... ) und
will meine haustuere oeffnen: schluessel passt,
schliesst aber nicht, laesst sich einfach nicht
drehen; habe den ersatzschluessel organisiert,
schliesst auch nicht; bin zur tanke gelaufen und
habe verschiedene schluesseldienste angerufen,
entweder nicht erreichbar oder grad kein auto da,
so dass bis morgen niemand kommen kann; bin
zurueck zum haus gelaufen, nochmal mehrmals die
schluessel probiert, dann bei 3 wohnungen in den
unteren stockwerken geklingelt: macht keiner auf;
dann endlich die polizei angerufen und mitgeteilt,
dass mir kalt ist und ich langsam die tuere
eintrete; 5min spaeter tauchte eine streife auf
und klingelte alle wohnungen durch, bis
schliesslich der eckart von ganz oben oder so
runter kam und aufmachte; prima sache, echt... bin
total durchgefroren bis auf das blut und echt
genervt; der vermieter wird fein was zu hoeren
bekommen morgen; achja, der schluessel vom eckart
ging auch nicht :) naechste woche samstag geht es
auf nach new york und danach nach los angeles;
weihnachten in ny, endlich! :) |
|
Sunday, 2001-11-25, 03:03:20 am, @home |
es laeuft... bin muede, kann aber nicht schlafen,
whg braucht hinten und vorne noch ueberall was;
Jackies geburtstag war, ny und la kam ganz gut an,
hoffe ich; war echt nicht leicht, das monatelang
geheimzuhalten; kann es nun kaum noch erwarten;
vielleicht bleiben wir gleich da?! :) |
|
Tuesday, 2001-11-06, 06:44:06 pm, @work |
puh, einen monat lang nichts mehr eingetragen;
ziemlich lange zeit; wohnung ist bezogen, befindet
sich noch ziemlich im umbau und in der
einrichtungsphase; mumpf fuehlt sich auch schon
relativ wohl, bringt alles durcheinander und macht
alles immer mal wieder kaputt :) war eine woche in
bad neuenahr auf schulung; hotel und schulung
selbst waren prima, kaum moeglich, nun alles
umzusetzen; die letzten wochen waren ziemlich
durchwachsen, privat wie beruflich; habe lea
naeher kennengelernt; ansonsten schon mehrere kDM
in die neue wohnung gesteckt *seufts*; keinen
ueberblick mehr ueber meine finanzen, muss in ein
paar monaten mal wieder schauen, wo ich stehe :)
ich sehne mich schon langsam dem jahresende
entgegen, irgendwie ist mein ganzes leben mal
wieder im umbruch.. |
|
Monday, 2001-09-24, 11:01:12 pm, @home |
countdown laeuft, noch 5 tage bis zur wohnung :) |
|
Sunday, 2001-09-23, 01:11:31 am, @home |
war heute mit michi weg (billard); haben uns fast
vier jahre nicht mehr gesehen; puh :) habe
gestern, respektive vorgestern, mietvertrag
unterschrieben, gaertnerstrasse hat nun doch noch
geklappt... infinite justice wird wohl bald
losgehen, bush hat donnerstag nacht den congress
und sein land nochmal beschwoert; es gibt wohl
mal wieder leute, die sich fuer etwas besseres
halten, mich regt das echt ohne ende auf... |
|
Sunday, 2001-09-16, 04:46:16 am, @home |
am letzten dienstag (2001-09-11) ist das WTC und
das pentagon in den USA von einem terroristischen
anschlag getroffen worden; WTC ist ganz
zerstoert; tausende sind tot; ich bin total
betroffen, habe angst vor dem, was weiter
passiert; ich bin fuer einen massiven
vergeltungsschlag, jedoch gezielt gegen den
globalen terrorismus; diesem muss das handwerk
gelegt und er dauerhaft unterbunden werden;
vielleicht -- so hoffe ich -- laesst sich dann in
50 oder 100 jahren sagen, dass diese anschlaege
der anfang vom ende des terrorismus waren; sind
vorletzte woche mit den bueros umgezogen, bin nun
ganz hinten :) war heute mit tschenz erst kurz im
maze und dann im lederer; haben stundenlang
philosofiert und im wahrsten sinne des wortes
ueber gott und die welt geredet; habe lange nicht
mehr eine so angeregte und erweckende diskussion
gehabt :) morgen schauen wir nochmal wegen
wohnungen, meine wird nun endlich frei... |
|
Tuesday, 2001-08-21, 07:55:22 pm, @work |
habe die wohnung doch nicht bekommen, sondern
jemand anderes; seufts, wer muss denn schon mit
einem abgeschlossenen studium noch seine eltern
fuer seine mietzahlungen buergen lassen?! seufts,
seufts; weitersuchen... |
|
Sunday, 2001-08-19, 01:32:59 pm, @home |
habe gestern eine wohnung angeschaut, werde sie wohl nehmen; freitag war rockenbrunner
kirchweih, ist ewigkeiten her, dass ich das letzte mal dort war; gestern kino (schuh des manitu)
mit tschenz und sus in erlangen, dann kurz #nuernberg-cp, um festzustellen, dass es echt
peinlich war; es wird niemals wieder so wie 99; dann kurz rofa; will nicht anrufen, werde es aber
wohl wieder doch tun, denn ich kann nicht anders; morgen ist gue wieder da; jetzt gleich wird
schumi erstmal weltmeister... |
|
Tuesday, 2001-08-07, 12:36:36 am, @home |
stress, was auch sonst; gue ist im urlaub, doch das ist nicht mal das schlimmste; geht sonst
alles drunter und drueber - ist ja aber nichts neues :) war ende juli in mailand, das zeug von #52
holen, wohnung noch nichts neues, irgendwie wird das wohl nie was; in meiner wohnt noch die
dingens drin und jackies wohnung wurde ungefragt weitervermietet; schrott, alles schrott;
mumpf entwickelt sich zur kampfkatze, wird immer flinker, mutiger und frecher :) habe zzt das
haus fuer mich; nervig alles zu hueten, aber fein, ruhe zu haben; waren am samstag mit som
und ralf in nuernberg unterwegs; angeblich soll es bald ein 5-jahres-abi-treffen geben; keine
ahnung, ob ich die leute alle sehen will; sehen vielleicht sch mal wieder, doch reden nicht; naja,
reden vielleicht auch mal wieder, aber sonst?! ich weiss nicht, ich lasse es -- wie uebelich --
alles mal auf mich zukommen; bekomme immer noch ein fruehstueck von angra, sollte an
dieser stelle mal festgehalten werden :) so, ich werde mich dann bald mal in mein bettchen
schmeissen; nacht |
|
Friday, 2001-07-13, 07:12:45 pm, @work |
habe eine ganze weile schon wieder nichts
geschrieben; seit genau 4 wochen, seit fast einem
monat; jackie hat alles hinter sich und ist --
natuerlich :) -- genommen worden; bald geht es
dann nach nuernberg; ich warte auch nur noch
drauf, dass meine wohnung bald endlich mal frei
wird :) werde anfang naechster woche nach italien
fahren - arbeit; jackie ist grad in florenz;
zumindest glaube ich, dass es florenz ist; sie ist
erst seit dienstag weg und kommt auch schon morgen
abend wieder, doch ich vermisse sie; habe mir
vorgestern endlich wieder ein fahrrad gekauft;
wieder ein marin (rocky ridge); bin auch
vorgestern gleich damit heimgefahren und gestern
wieder damit ins buero; werde heute wieder mit dem
rad heimfahren; habe eh kein auto da; so komme ich
endlich mal wieder in form; badminton geht auch
immer besser; letzten samstag haben jackie und ich
gespielt; sollten wir auch mal oefters machen -
war toll; sonntag waren wir mit tschenzi und sus
in shrek im cinestar in erlangen; der film ist
echt prima :) tsja, ich werde mich dann hier auch
bald mal loseisen, den stress hinter mir lassen
und mich auf den heimweg machen; |
|
Friday, 2001-06-15, 06:49:20 am, @home |
bin immer noch von gestern wach; vorgestern hatte
tschenz geburtstag, so dass wir gestern abend im
napoli in erlangen essen waren; jackie war nicht
mit; ich war die ganze nacht wach und habe an
rechnern gebastelt und programmiert und mails
geschrieben und gegruebelt; hey, ich habe seit
letzten donnerstag endlich meine mumpf :) gott,
ist das ein wirbelwind; noch total jung und
wahnsinnig quirlig; ich habe kratzer ohne ende am
ganzen koerper; immer wenn ich am rechner sitze,
springt sie auf meinen schoss und macht es sich
da gemuetlich oder huepft auf dem schreibtisch
rum; heute ist geburtstag von katha; weiss noch
nicht, ob ich hingehen werde; wuerde schon
wirklich gerne - ma gucken |
|
Sunday, 2001-06-03, 10:17:44 am, @rip |
haben grad neben a-ha gefruehstueckt :); wetter
freitag war wenigstens trocken; gestern hat es
die ganze zeit geschifft; alanis morissette war
genial (zweite reihe); manic street preachers
waren ebenso okay wie auch echt und travis, sonst
alles bislang mittelmaessig; heute sind briskeby,
toploader, anastacia, him, reamonn und a-ha dran;
mittlerweile scheint auch mal die sonne; cya! |
|
Thursday, 2001-05-31, 09:14:04 pm, @work |
puh, habe schon laenger nichts mehr eingetragen;
warum nur?! keine ahnung, kaum zeit, viel stress,
viel zu tun, wohnungssuche, viel mit ms. ulysses
unterwegs; habe eventuell eine passende wohnung
gefunden; werden sie morgen nochmal zusammen
anschauen; am wochenende ist rock im park, wird
sicher geil; ich warte noch auf eine zahl von i.
und so... ich muss wissen, wie es im september
ausschaut; kfz hat sich auch nur bedingt geklaert,
haengt ebenfalls davon ab; haben letztens mal
wieder mit christian, katrin und som dsa gespielt,
war aber viel zu spaet in der nacht und alle schon
total muede; wollen wir bald wiederholen; heute
hat der berg in erlangen angefangen; mal schauen,
ob es wieder ein besaeufnis gibt; waren letzte
woche schon zum fruehstuecken mit guenthi, ela,
charmer, achim, fany und so weiter dort; danach
dann mit guenthi und ela im westbad und dann noch
in den buergerstuben essen; *schlemm*; in einer
stunde kommt ms. ulysses an; *drauffreu*; it can
always get worse, but life goes on; cya |
|
Saturday, 2001-05-19, 03:01:29 pm, @Ms. Ulysses |
first time, first love - oh what feeling is this,
electricity flows; wunderbarer tag heute; bis auf
meinen dad ist alles bestens; ich brauche dringend
eine neue wohnung; habe gestern mit andrea
gesprochen; dienstag ist ein meeting mit ingo und
joern; abwarten; auto ist bald voll im arsch;
schwinge am rechten vorderrad wahrscheinlich
kaputt; ziemlich gefaehrlich; haben gestern
wohnung fuer mein schatz angeschaut; gute lage,
schaut von der aufteilung her schoen aus, kueche
und bad fehlen allerdings noch; gegenueber ist
eine sauschoene wohnung mit riesengrossem
holz-balkon; evtl. wird sie im sommer frei; mal
schauen; lieber waere mir eher was neues; budget
und zeitrahmen klaert sich naechste woche; werde
nun ein wenig schlafen und auf mein schatz warten;
an dieser stelle: every now and then i know
there is no one in the universe as magical and
wonderous as you, every now and then i know
there is nothing any better and there is nothing
that i just would not do - ich liebe dich!!! :) |
|
Friday, 2001-05-11, 03:58:26 pm, @work |
eine lustige woche; lauter aufs und abs gehabt;
handyklingeln abende hindurch und chaotische tage;
gestern spontan zu ms. ulysses gefahren und in die
sonne gelegt; jetzt geht es auf ins wochenende...
:) |
|
Tuesday, 2001-05-08, 01:09:59 am, @home |
sonntag war total schoen; lange im bett gelegen
und den ganzen tag ueber nicht wirklich viel
gemacht, sondern mal nur ausgeruht; frueh und gut
geschlafen; lange zur arbeit gebraucht, da fetter
stauf vor erlangen war; die idioten muessen
natuerlich in der hauptverkehrszeit eine baustelle
hochziehen; argl, argl; daheim auf neue,
offizielle ip-adressen und damit staendige
erreichbarkeit der services umgestellt; vielleicht
bekomme ich bald endlich meine schon lange
gewuenschte katze; werde sie mumpf taufen, wie es
sich fuer eine echte katze gehoert *g*; nina hat
naechste woche geburtstag und kann es kaum noch
erwarten; seufts :) |
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Saturday, 2001-05-05, 06:15:41 pm, @Ms. Ulysses |
alles locker; war die letzten tage nur total faul
und unproduktiv; bin immer frueh aus dem buero
verschwunden und habe versucht, wieder zu mir zu
finden; ms. ulysses gibt mir kraft und staerke;
wieder mal das ganze wochenende nicht daheim, will
gar nicht wissen, wie es da ausschaut; habe
gestern eine katze angeboten bekommen; vielleicht
nehme ich sie :); ms. ulysses arbeitet und kommt
erst in einigen stunden wieder, leider; waren
gestern in baunach beim griechen und dann
spazieren; seltsam, wie schoen manchmal die
einfachen dinge des lebens sein koennen. |
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Wednesday, 2001-05-02, 10:17:43 pm, @home |
heute total konfus; schlecht geschlafen, kaum
konzentration gehabt; frueh aus dem buero
verschwunden und in die sonne gelegt,
heimgefahren, gesurft und tv geschaut; mails
geschrieben und vor hitze fast zerflossen;
komisch, wir haben alle sehnsuechtig auf schoenes
wetter gewartet, nun stoehnen alle ueber die
hitze; daheim schaut es aus wie sau, ich muss
dringend aufraeumen. morgen werde ich in die
rockfabrik gehen, wenn ich mich mal aufraffen
kann. |
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